Firstly, I must thank Violet for this topic. Clever, sophisticated, and undaunted in the face of a hurricane, I dedicate this to Miss V.

 

Okay,on to topic. Rules. Ordinarily I make the rules, and sometimes bend them until they break. to serve my needs.

Here they be:

1. No, never, at any time is there smoking in my vicinity. The scars in my lungs from other turmoils forbid this habit.

2. In no way or fashion, does “smooth jazz” (an oxymoron for morons), “mellow”  or any other invade my reality. It is annoying, mindless, and will enrage me to do things whereby I might be on tv in a bad way.. If I want to listen to the Doors 87,000 times in a row,  that’s what it’s gonna be. Followed by Siouxsie/Banshees. Classical is acceptable Disco as well. C/W only while drivng through Quartzite.

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3. TV only for the following instances: “Ab Fab”, shopping for faux coats, and breaking news in case of riots. Which I have been through to the point of being driven out of my home due to incessant tv “coverage”, more like a goddamn  map for destruction. TV is the devil’s dues ex machina.

4. An actual road atlas, map, compass, water, wooden boards, rope, hammer, oil, antifreeze, and blanket in the trunk. I have heard that stupid mapstar or wtf it is called actually say “Left turn. Crash into building” while at an intersection.

5. Flush the terlit, as my Irish grandmother (more like hateful nasty old lady, but I’m being kind here), put a new roll on when needed, clean hair out of shower/sink,  and do not give the iguana a bath so it can take an oodle in the tub.

6. Don’t touch my stuff. I know where everythng is, just ask politely.  Or I’ll throw you straight through the door. Unopened. Especially perfume.

7. Any cat “jokes”, meanness, i.e., my cat is an extension of me, tread lightly.The outcome for offenders will make the French revolution look like a church picnic.

There are probably lots more. But I am tired and fain would lie down.

Oh, yes. It’s a full moon and I’m feeling feline. Here’s an interestng factoid. I went to file for my last and final divorce on 9/11. It was granted on the same date that my father had passed away the year before. Figure it out, I can’t.

 

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